Gilligan Goes to College
by G.L. Peabody
Summary: Willie Gilligan takes his GI Bill and Howell trust to Adams College and becomes a 40 year old Freshman. Along the way he joins the Lamda Lamda Lamda fraternity and takes revenge upon the jocks of Alpha Beta. A GI Revenge of the Nerds crossover.
1. Back to School

  
The Castaways Resort 

_Spring 1983_

"I can't believe you're making me work on my birthday." Gilligan grumbled.

"Listen, Gilligan, I told you to get those tikis to the main ballroom, so do it!" Bellowed the Skipper.

Gilligan replied, "Aye Skipper," while grabbing the torches.

While Gilligan was lifting the torches he accidentally barked the Skipper's shin. The Skipper grabbed his shin. Gilligan rushed off to avoid the expletives he had coming to him, but oddly were not uttered.

When Gilligan entered the ballroom, he was greeted with five shouts of, "Surprise!"

The Skipper limped in behind Gilligan chuckling, "Happy 40th birthday, little buddy!"

The Professor, Skipper, Ginger, Mary Ann, and the Howells then all sang "Happy Birthday" to Gilligan. Mary Ann then brought out one of her special cakes, with coconut crème filling.

Mary Anne then said to Gilligan, "I can't believe you're 40!"

Gilligan smiled, "I can't either. But this party is very nice, thank you all."

The seven former castaways had been running the exclusive resort on their island, with major financial backing from the Howells, for five years. The Howells handled the business end, the Skipper and Gilligan ran the boat shuttle from Hawaii, Ginger was entertainment director, Mary Anne ran food service, and the Professor was PI (Principal Investigator) for several major university grants studying tropical ecosystems. The end result brought an eclectic group of the ridiculously rich, stellar celebrities, and the most brilliant to the island to study and play.

When the party started to wind down, the Professor said, "Happy birthday, Gilligan, it was a fun party. I need to get back to my research, so I'll see you in the morning."

Gilligan replied, "Thank you Professor, I wish I was smart like you."

That stopped the Professor cold, "Gilligan," he said, "don't ever think you're not smart."

The Skipper agreed, "Little buddy, you may sometimes be a bit of a knucklehead, but you're one sharp seaman. Why do you think we've been together for over two decades?"

The Professor said, "The Skipper's right, Gilligan, you can do whatever you put your mind to."

Gilligan mumbled, "But I didn't go to college like you, the Skipper, and the Howells."

The Professor said, "Going to college doesn't necessarily make you smart. But if you want to go to college you should go. I can make some calls, and I'm sure you can get into a good university. Between your Navy GI Bill and the trust the Howells started for you, money for school shouldn't be any problem."

Gilligan asked, "You all really think I could make it in college?"

Mary Ann smiled, "Of course."

Mr. Howell said, "My boy, you will be the toast of the campus."

Ginger answered, "Gilligan, I've seen you do incredible things."

Mrs. Howell chipped in, "Any college would be lucky to have you."

Gilligan followed up with, "What about my age, I'll be over 20 years older than most freshman?"

The Skipper answered, "Little buddy, I've known a lot of men and women who entered college after a 20 or even 30 year military career. Its not as unusual as you think."

The Professor added, "I've seen women who enter college after their children leave home, and second career people even older than you starting college."

"OK," said Gilligan "I'll give college a try."

The castaways cheered.

_Several Weeks Later_

"Gilligan!" Barked the Skipper, "unload this mailbag."

Gilligan went into the water taxi and took the large bag that read US Mail.

"Wow," said Gilligan, "This bag is heavy!"

"Well," said the Skipper, reaching into the bag and taking out a large Manila envelope, "it should be lighter now."

Gilligan noticed right away that the envelope was addressed to "Willie Gilligan." The prospective academician also noticed the college seal next to the Arizona return address. Gilligan quickly opened the envelope.

"I got in!" Gilligan shouted much to the pleasure of his companions and amusement of the guests, "I got in!"

_August, 1983_

The going away party was even bigger than the birthday party. Mary Ann made one of her cakes, and Gilligan got several gifts to prepare him for college and dorm life.

The Skipper explained travel arrangements to Gilligan, "I'll take you in the water taxi to Oahu, then we'll go over to Honolulu International Airport. From there you'll change planes at LAX. When you get to Tucson, take the shuttle van to the college campus."

"OK Skipper," Gilligan replied, "Thanks."

When it came time to leave, all of the castaways accompanied Gilligan to the Hawaii airport. The stewardess on the flight to LA recognized Gilligan as a Minnow survivor, so the former castaway turned college freshman got VIP treatment. By doing a cross-airport sprint at LAX, Gilligan barely made the flight to Tucson. At TIA, Gilligan had no trouble finding ground transportation at the small airport flooded with college students.

Gilligan did have some trouble finding transportation to his school. Most students were going to the larger University of Arizona, not the smaller private college he was attending. Finally, Gilligan found a cab to take him to the nearby campus.

Gilligan kind of felt he was getting 'the treatment' from the cabbie when he passed what looked like the same Saguaro cactus for the third time, but finally they did arrive on campus. All of Gilligan's frustrations disappeared when they passed through the gate of what would be his home for the next four years.

The sign over the college gate proudly proclaimed, "Adams College, Home of the Atoms!"


	2. A Fraternity Joins Gilligan

Gilligan unloaded an old Navy sea bag from the cab and headed up the steps of the freshman dorm. Between his GI Bill and the Howell trust, he could have easily afforded his own apartment. But Gilligan wanted the full college experience. He remembered the Professor reminiscing about his college days many a night around the campfire on the island.

The former castaway walked up and down the corridors seeking his room, oblivious to the stares and snickers of his dorm-mates; most of whom were over two decades his junior. Gilligan finally found his room and started unpacking. Soon he started to hear a disturbance outside. It was getting louder and louder. Gilligan could soon make out a word that was being chanted over and over.

A crowd of young men were outside the dorm repeating, "Nerds, Nerds, Nerds!"

Soon the crowd of fit young men wearing letter jackets were running through the halls of the freshman dorm throwing residents and their belongings out. Some even through windows!

A rather large young man confronted Gilligan with, "Time to go, grandpa!"

Gilligan responded with, "No! This is my room, I paid for it."

A bit of a fracas ensued, and it took three Alpha Betas to evict a skinny 40-year- old former castaway. Gilligan soon joined the other freshman in the gym. He was told that the situation was just temporary, and that he and the other freshmen could join a fraternity. The problem was not that many fraternities were interested in a 40-year-old freshman. Gilligan considered renting an apartment, but felt that would be giving in to the jocks. He wanted a true college experience.

Soon it was just Gilligan and the others who couldn't get into a fraternity in living in the gym. Ironically, the young man with the bunk next to his was the Universities youngest freshman—a child prodigy named Wormser. There was a very colorful guy named Lamar, a kind of sloppy frosh that went by Booger, a bespectacled violinist named Poindexter, and the two leaders of this eclectic group, high school buddies Lewis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowell.

Gilligan enjoyed his new group of friends. They were very smart, and helped him make the adjustment to college life. Gilligan was also very popular with Booger, as he could buy the beer without any hassle. When Gilbert and Lewis came up with the idea of chipping in and renting a house, Gilligan jumped at the idea. He also quietly let Lewis know that he could help out a little more than the others with the rent if needed.

Soon Lewis found a house. It was an old abandoned fraternity house, but with a little elbow work it looked great. Gilbert and Lewis even had a robot to help out with the work! After Gilligan's years in the Navy and on the island, the restoration of the house was a snap. Lewis even found a national fraternity willing to make the house a probationary chapter: Lamda Lamda Lamda.

The rivalry between the jock fraternity of Alpha Beta and the nerd fraternity of Lamda Lamda Lamda was what legends were made of. Eventually, the Tri-Lams won the presidency of the Greek Council and the hearts and minds of the students and alumni of Adams College. And they were able to do this by homecoming. As a Christmas gift to his new friends in Lamda Lamda Lamda and their sister sorority Omega Mu for their hard work champion the cause of underdog and helping him with his homework, Gilligan arranged for his new friends to spend two weeks at the world famous Castaways Resort.


	3. Nerd Island

Gilbert Lowell called the joint meeting of Lamda/Mu to order. Booger did his best to make sure it was literally a "joint" meeting. UN Jefferson quietly took a seat in the back room with fatherly pride of his "nerd" chapter. The Adams College of Lamda Lamda Lamda was quite an eclectic group, indeed. The chapter had the widest age range of any active Greek organization, ranging from ten-year-old child prodigy Harold Wormser to 40-year-old former castaway Willie Gilligan.

Gilbert addressed the group, "I am proud of my Lamda brothers and our sister sorority, Omega Mu, for what we have accomplished. I would like to thank Dean Ulich for giving us the use of the former Alpha Beta house while those jocks fix up our house. We also have the use of the football team to move what belongings of ours the Alpha Betas did not destroy over to our new house. The Alpha Betas are also under order to provide full reimbursement for items destroyed," Gilbert continued over cheers, "I would also like to recognize UN Jefferson. He took a chance on us when others wouldn't, and he had our back when we needed it."

UN Jefferson stood up among cheers, "I am extremely proud of this chapter, you may have a slightly different look than our other chapters…. but I wish they all had your Tri Lam spirit."

Gilbert smiled, "Thank you UN, the chair now recognizes brother Gilligan."

Gilligan stood up awkwardly and spoke, "Most of you know my story about being shipwrecked on a deserted island for thirteen years. What I have been keeping quiet is that I am a silent partner in Thurston Howell's Castaway's Resort which is on the island I have spent close to two decades of my life. I've called my partners, and they've agreed to allow me to offer you a two-week all expenses paid vacation on the island the fist two weeks of January. You too, UN."

Gilligan's offer was accepted by a loud chorus of cheers.

It was a crisp Arizona January day when the Tri-Lams and Mu's assembled at the Executive Terminal of Tucson International Airport

Gilligan asked one of the shyer freshman, "So Andy, are you excited?"

Andy replied, "Maybe I'll find some island girl."

Booger laughed, "Stitzer, you'll be a virgin until you are 40."

Gilligan scolded Booger, "Be nice Dudley. Andy, when its your time, you'll know it."

Booger apologized, "Hey, Stitzer, you know I was just giving you shit. You rock."

Both Andy and Gilligan smiled. Booger was already plotting ways to get everybody, including Andy Stitzer and Willie Gilligan laid.

Finally, their mode of transportation arrived. To Gilligan, it was just another airplane.

"Holy Shit!" Booger exclaimed as the Howell 727 arrived at the gate. The door to the jet way opened, and a very familiar brunette stepped through.

"Mary Ann!" Gilligan exclaimed, "I've missed you."

Mary Ann smiled, "I missed you too, Gilligan, I decided to fly with you to Hawaii, where the Skipper will be meeting us with the boat. Since you're bringing so many friends, he's bringing the Guppy."

Castaways Resort had a fleet of small charter boats to take guests to the island, each named Minnow (numbered V-X). Captain Grumby, and Mr. Gilligan, oversaw marine operations. The Guppy was a much larger 100' schooner, with a crew of five, reserved for larger groups.

Booger whispered to Louis, "I wouldn't mind getting stranded on an Island with Mary Ann."

Louis chortled.

When the Tri Lams and Mu's entered the plane, they were dumbstruck. The aircraft was top of the line luxury.

Llamar said, "I feel like Michael Jackson."

Wormser added, "I feel like Donald Trump."

Poindexter chipped in, "I feel like part of INXS."

The group flew to Honolulu, where they took a van to Pearl Harbor. After some sight seeing, the Tri-Lams and Mus met the Skipper and boarded the Guppy for their trip to the Castaways.

At the resort, they were greeted by the Howells, the Professor, and Ginger.

Booger greeted Ginger with, "Well, hello. Say, do you have in room movies here?"

Ginger replied, "Of course."

Booger followed up with, "Would you like to watch 'The Graduate' with me?"

Ginger decided to toy with the boy, "At least you didn't say 'Harold and Maude', are you sure you're up for the challenge?"

Booger gulped.

Gilbert immediately sought out the Professor, "Wow! I can't believe I'm standing next to Dr. Roy Hinkley, Junior. You are a legend. I've read all of your books. I'd love to see your lab."

The Professor chuckled, "I'm sure I can arrange some educational tours if there is anybody interested."

Gilbert replied, "I can tell you, with this group, there will be plenty of interest."

Wormser was busy chatting business with Mr. Howell when a familiar voice boomed across the lobby.

"I can't believe this. I get a trip as a Christmas present, and I have to spend it with nerds!" Adams College Quarterback and Alpha Beta Brother Stan Gable shouted.

A middle aged woman behind Stanley said, "Stanley Alfred Gable Junior! I taught you better than that!"

"I'm sorry mother." Stanly lowered his head, while sneaking a glare at the Nerds.

Mrs. Howell immediately addressed the woman, "Louise Wellington Gable, it has been far too long."

Louise took Mrs. Howell's hand, "Actually, its just Louise Wellington again. I left Big Stan with his secretary, and without a lot of his funds. I had to see this resort of yours."

"Well welcome," Mrs. Howell said graciously. Mrs. Howell then introduced the other castaways. When Mrs. Howell introduced Gilligan, Louise's eye's got a bit of spark.

"You're going to school with my Stanley, aren't you?" Louise asked.

Gilligan replied, "That's me, the world's oldest freshman."

Louise smiled, "No, its great you are improving yourself. I dropped out of college to marry Stanley's no good father. I wish I would have finished."

Gilligan replied, "You're younger than I am Ms. Wellington… if I can go back to school, you can."

Louise smiled, "You are the charmer. Please call me Louise. Would you mind showing me where my room is?"

Gilligan said, "Of course, Louise."

Ginger whispered to Mary Ann, "She's trouble," while Booger gave Poindexter a knowing look.

Louis Skolnick's girlfriend, Betty Childs, was sunning herself on the beach. Up until a couple months ago, Betty was a Pi, head cheerleader, and Stan Gable's girlfriend. After she gave Stan his pin back, and accepted Louis', Betty was now herself. Just plain Betty, a Mu, and loving it.

Stan walked up to Betty and said, "Betty, you made your point. When are you going to stop this foolishness and come back where you belong?"

Betty replied, "Take a hike, Stan, Louis does more for me than you can imagine."

Louis came running up with a metal detector he was combing the beach with. "Is everything OK."

Betty diffused the situation with, "Its OK sweetie, Stan was just leaving," Stan laughed at Louis, but Betty had no doubt Louis was fantasizing wrapping that metal detector around Stan's skull.

In the room, Louise asked Gilligan, "You want a drink?"

Gilligan replied, "No, ma'am-Louise- I don't drink."

While pouring herself a Baileys, Louise asked, "You don't mind if I have one, do you?"

Gilligan responded, "Of course not."

Louise started fiddling with the blinds, and was having trouble.

"Here let me help," Gilligan offered. Gilligan zigged when he should have zagged, tripping Louise. Both fell on the bed. Louise took advantage of the situation and kissed Gilligan, deeply.

Stan busted in the room, "Mom, I want to leave, NOW," Stan seeing what was going on in the room added, "Not you too, Mom…. What is it about nerds?"

Louise started laughing, and Gilligan had a look that was a combination of shock and confusion, that caused Louise to laugh even harder.

Louise said, "I'm sorry Gilligan. Sometimes I get a little carried away. There's somebody else isn't there?"

Gilligan blushed, "Yes, but I don't think she knows it."

Louise knowingly smiled, "She's a very lucky girl, whoever she is. Don't deny her the opportunity of getting to know you."

All Gilligan could say was, "Thank you."

Louise chuckled and said, "Go find her."

That night, A special dinner was held for the Tri Lams and the Mu's along with guests of honor UN Jefferson and Dean Ulich. Mary Ann prepared lobster, boar, seaweed salad, and coconut cream pie. The seven castaways, Jefferson, Ulich, Gilbert, and Gilbert's girlfriend Judy, sat at the front table.

Gilligan spoke, "I'd like to thank all my new friends for coming here. Now you can see why it's so hard to leave here. My life is here." Looking at Mary Ann, he added, "I don't know if I can leave here for four years."

Everybody gasped. Many of the castaways, and Adams students, were repeating, "No, Gilligan, finish your degree."

Dean Ulich interrupted, "I think I may have a solution here. Gilligan, as you know, Adams has a fine independent studies department. If your friends are willing to work with us, I don't see why you can't finish most of your degree here. I can't imagine a better opportunity to study with people who are at the tops of their fields, science with Professor Roy Hinkley, PhD, TCU; drama with Ginger Grant, SAG; seamanship with Captain Jonas Grumby, BS, USNA; business with Thurston Howell III MBA, Harvard; hospitality with Eunice Wentworth Howell, BA, Radcliffe; and culinary arts with Chef Mary Ann Summers. And with Professor Hinkley's reputation, your degree will be recognized by even the most competitive universities. You'll still have to come to campus for a summer session or two, but you should be able to finish a degree in Hotel Management in the usual four years. What do you say?"

Gilligan was stunned, "Will you do that for me?"

The other six castaways replied "Of course!" in chorus.

The Professor added, "I'm going to change the sign of my lab from 'Island Research' to 'Island University and Research Institute.'"

UN Jefferson took the floor and stated, "All those in favor of granting a Lamda Lamda Lambda charter to Gilligan's Island say Aye."

The room shook with the thunderous "Aye."


End file.
